God as Our Parent
This is such an interesting time. Covid-19 is a history defining moment. I often tell my kids, this is a turning point of their lives. It will shape how they live their life, much like in previous generations of pandemics, or wartime, or those who have survived natural disasters…there is one thing that is true for all of us in this time of Covid-19. Whether you are a child or a senior, there is a collective grief that we all are experiencing.
We’re going through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and ultimately acceptance. But now it isn’t only the pandemic, we see protests about the racial inequality and systemic racism, we have the bombardment of politics both Canadian and American, we have natural disasters happening, fires and hurricanes. The human psyche can only take so much disaster and trauma. That is why so many experts are concerned about the mental health of people moving forward…there may be people who will have PTSD from 2020.
There is a question that reverberates through my mind, where is God in all of this? We all have our own way that we will respond to God, and there are ways that we might identify our current situations with God. For some, what is happening in our world is a harsh punishment from an angry father because we’ve missed the mark, we deserve it because we’re sinful and wicked and annihilation is coming. We’re so wicked, that there is no hope for us and our world will continue to be destroyed until we repent of whatever it is that has upset God this time. For others, these are natural consequences of our fallen world, this is the results of what happened in Eden. This is the darkness of the world, and God is the light. That god is a loving a God and it’s guiding us and loving us through this difficult season.
One thing can be very true, We often project our “daddy issues” or our “mommy issues” on to God. How we view God, is in some cases of how we view our own father or mother. Or maybe it’s the opposite, we look at God like the father or mother we always wished we had. But what shifts when we start to think of God not as a binary gender but rather as a loving parent? A parent that has both the qualities of fathers and mothers? There is a beauty in the balance, when we look to God to be our loving parent.
There is one thing that is often true, when we are hurting or want comfort, the name that comes to most of us is “I want my mom or dad.” Depending on who you are closer to. In this time of Covid-19, natural disasters, human disasters and the gong show that seems to be 2020, I keep thinking about the fact that I want God as my mom…to comfort me, hold me, protect me.
Jesus tells us in John 16:7, when he leaves that the Holy Spirit was sent to be our helper, our comforter, our advocate.These are things that I attribute to being a mom because these are things that I do. I’ve kissed booboo’s, chased away scary monsters in the night, I’ve held my child who cried because they felt excluded, and I advocated hard for my children with disabilities, and continue to do so even today. Yes these are things that a father can do and does do, but in my life, these are the things that I do as a mom.
What if we instead of putting God in a box that includes that all that we now know as toxic masculinity, the idea that “real men don’t cry” “real men dominate” “real men wear the ‘pants’ in the relationship” real men are tough, punishing, built like power body builders. That is toxic masculinity. We can also point out that there are forms of feminism that are hateful and toxic too. These are the extremes of the gender biases that we hold on to.
some of my most favourite scriptures are the ones that show Gods “softer” side, although I’d argue that it is just as difficult and challenging to show mercy than to show powerful forceful retribution..what if we looked at God as mother? Or parent, if mother is too far for you…I get it. But I am asking, how can God be a mother to us in our time of need.
Genesis tells us that we are all created in the image of God, our maleness and femaleness is part of the image of God. That means that God contains all the range of attributes that all human beings have on earth. This is the place to fight against toxic masculinity, this is the place to fight against hateful feminism. This is the intersection where we find ourselves fully human, beautiful and flourishing by the power of the holy spirit. Living into the life that God has called us into, and allowing God to shape us into their likeness. Not in extremes but in the balance.
Jesus’ life shows us that God is with those who suffered. Jesus is a suffering God, through everything that he experienced in his life. But God was with him always. Where is God in the midst of Covid-19, those who are oppressed racially, those who are mourning the loss of loved ones, or homes or anything else. God is here, in the grief we are experiencing.
How do we respond to our grief? Well, some of us deny that what we’re going through is even worth calling grief…it’s just an illness! Or a lost job. Except that this pandemic has caused us to lose our finances, to lose our ability to see our friends and loved ones and has robbed us of our physical closeness. Racial inequality leaves people isolated. Hate divides. Grief is there.
Maybe we’re praying something along the lines of “God if you just heal my family member, or get me a job, I’ll do this for you” We bargain with God all the time, we try to do this give and take game with God, but God doesn’t play that game with us. God knows that there is joy found in suffering, in connection with the triune God. Patience is a blessing, eventually.
Maybe you’re angry with God…that is something that good Christians don’t do, they don’t get angry with God?! I do. we need to accept that we can be angry, with others, with God, and anger is ok and justifiable. We sometimes shy away from anger, but anger helps us to deal with things, if we process the anger, and work through our anger. Yes, even Jesus got angry and overthrew tables at the temple. Anger is a valid and understandable response to grief. Being mindful that anger is not a pass to hurt others, rather it is an emotion that can guide us to the truth.
But Jesus also shows a gentler side when in Luke 13: 35 he says “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills prophets and stones those who are sent to it. How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!” Jesus isn’t afraid to use typically “feminine” images to show how he wants to help and interact with the people. I can hear disappointment in this statement, and perhaps even some righteous anger.
The next stage we may go through, We can get depressed. These past few weeks, I’ve heard from so many people that they feel like all their energy is gone, some feel hopeless, that Covid won’t end, that people of colour will always sustain abuse from our systems that are so slow to change, but that make it impossible for them to rise.
People are missing physical connection with others, I can say for myself, physical contact is my love language…it’s been one of the difficult things about this..I want to hug my friends, hold a loved ones hand, rub the back of someone who needs comfort, and I want others to do that for me. This loss of physical connection is super difficult for me and it’s increased my depression. I’m not ashamed to admit that, because it’s not a sin to be depressed and to need to talk to a therapist and work through the hard stuff in our lives. I love Jesus, and I’m thankful for the medicine that keeps me balanced.
And finally, we come to acceptance…acceptance that we are not in control. The illusion of control is something that we as humanity love to think we have, but we don’t. We have choices, but control? Absolutely not. This took me a long time to figure out, through my battles with mental illness, to my struggles with perfection, to the way that I looked at God. These were all things that I had to come to a level of acceptance.
J R R Tolkein wrote the book, Lord of the Rings, and in it, Bilbo Baggins writes a book about his adventures and titles the book “There and Back again” That is sort of what grief is like. This isn’t something you get over. You don’t get over the loss of a spouse, a child, a friend, a job. You will have moments of grief about that for the rest of your life. You’ll go through these stages separately, together, in order, out of order, and all over again….But we can find solace in grief because the bible is full of the promise that God is near to the broken hearted, that he will protect us like a mother lion, and shield us as a mother hen.
So where is God in the midst of covid-19? Where is God in the middle of protests, where is God in natural disasters? God is a suffering God, so God is right there with us. With the person fighting illness, with the tired nurses and doctors who are working to help heal the sick, God is there with our teachers and students, God is there with the oppressed and marginalized. God is there because God is a suffering God, God came to bind up the broken hearted, to heal the sick, to call people to life everlasting.
I want to end by reading the words of a hymn called, Womb of life and Source of Being. I love the words of this because I’ve always grappled with the image of God, and how everything is so masculine and where I’ve been raised, this has never been questioned, it’s just a given. But as a woman, I’ve always wondered, how am I made in the image of God, if God is an old vengeful man going around smiting the earth? As I’ve read more, and studied through seminary, and searched the scriptures, I see that God is not bound by any kind of gendered theory, God is God.
